April 1st, 1988
In transplant truths it is said “ no transplant is going to happen until they give you your first dose of immunosuppressants “. Even at that point there’s still no guarantee even after in being taken into the surgery room & sedated you could awaken hours later only to find nothing has been done! Talk about heartbreak but anything can happen….what if the surgeon suddenly comes down with stomach problems? Power goes down and back- generator won’t start? If something gets dropped?
After hours upon hours in the pre-transplant staging room and both Renee and myself pushed beyond mental and physical exhaustion, it happened! They brought me the immunosuppressants!
O.k., this is Real….or is it? Both Renee and I felt as if we were dreaming. The nurse who gave me the meds started asking question after question while others hurried about doing something I’m sure was important, it takes a lot of people to in same room to get things done. Somehow we had imagined this all would be orchestrated slightly smoother but transplants are about the end results not looks.
For months we have been going through test after test, seemingly quarts of blood given, scans upon body scans and psychological meetings and it all comes to this. Am I ready? Is Renee ready?
Regardless ready or not we are past the point of no return! It’s like being in line for a super scary ride knowing you can get out and leave until your up front! Of course I would soon be dead if I do not get this surgery!
I’m ready now, pre-prepped and I feel as if I’m very close to dying from cf right now….. each breath is a huge struggle as my lungs are clogged with thick mucous, I’m beyond exhausted! Renee, poor Renee is even more exhausted than I am! But WAIT!
As I look to Renee I realize we both are not ready! We have forgotten the chance of me dying in surgery or recovery! Of course there’s no choice but we are a matched pair, there cannot be one without the other! Eleven years of wonderful marriage and two awesome boys! Where are the boys! Is Cody & Dustin O.K. ? I wish they were here with us but maybe that would be worse for us and them, so much unknown.
Renee and I are holding hands, tears mixed between joy & fear as they roll me toward those doors. The see you soon and I love you so much along with prayers & praise to our Lord for this opportunity have passed between us ! We kiss then then as the doors close I look to Renee as she is crying….
Day 1 of our new life together.
God brought me through, His plans amaze all who see! Renee and I learn every day to trust in Him! Renee has her husband, Cody & Dustin have their dad and I have my family.
GOD IS OFFICIALLY AMAZING!
